"My bat's this big," said Mr. Met, the team's openly gay mascot.

Mr. Met, the Mets' cartoon-like mascot, held an on-field press conference today to declare that it is he, not all-star catcher Mike Piazza, who is the gay Met.

Rumors of Piazza's sexual orientation rocked the baseball world last week after NY Post gossip columnist Neil Travis reported "a persistent rumor around town that a certain Met star is gay and considering coming out."

"Look at me for Pete's sake," said the four-fingered mascot. "I prance around the stadium like a fairy in this flamboyant costume. Isn't it obvious who the gay Met is? Mike is a total hunk, but he's definitely a breeder boy."

"I don't think anybody should be surprised," said Mets general manager Steve Phillips. "Baseball is all about statistics, and if the numbers hold up, it would stand to reason that with 26 major league teams, at least one of the mascots would be gay. I think the New York players and fans are a diverse enough group that they can handle a gay mascot."

But not everyone agrees. Boy Scout troupe 743 of Little Neck Queens cancelled their trip to tonight's Dodgers game after learning of the news. "Mr. Met does not espouse the values we want to instill in our young men," said Frank DiMeola, the troupe's leader. "Now I hear that he (Mr. Met) was involved in an illicit relationship with a team bat boy in 1997."

Mr. Met emphatically denied the charge, saying that he's been involved in a long-term monogamous relationship with Pittsburgh's mascot, Pete the Pirate, since 1992. "Even after all these years, every time I see that little butt pirate waving his long sword, I just want to skip around the bases," said Met.

	"I choked the chicken," said Mr. Met, about his abusive relationship with the Padre's San Diego Chicken."

Met does admit to being involved in a torrid affair with the San Diego Chicken many years ago. "It was an abusive relationship where I choked the chicken," he said. But I put that cock behind me and have moved on with my life.

	"Yes, I spend a lot of time on my knees behind the batter. But that doesn't make me a homo," said Piazza.

Despite Mr. Met's admission that he is the gay Met, some fans refuse to believe that Piazza doesn't play for the other team, too. At the White Swallow Saloon in New York's West Village, Met fan Ben Dover and buddies debated whether Piazza pitches or catches off the field. "He can deny it all he wants," said Dover, "but let's look at his stats: He tints his hair blonde, has a fu man chu like that guy from the Village People, and listens to the Pet Shop Boys. I'm sorry, but three strikes and you're out."

Met's brass said Mr. Met will continue to serve as the Mets mascot, but there were no plans for Shea Stadium's organist to play cabaret tunes between innings.